Games of the soul.

You forget that I am human

You think I have no soul.

A game with my emotions

My feelings pay the toll.

As I sit alone tonight

When all others feast with friends

I wonder where I went wrong.

And how do I make amends.

The rain is falling softy

The sky is painted grey

The sadness fills my heart, I know

The pain won’t go away.

My friend I wish you well.

May the morning bring you light.

I hope you never witness

The gloom I feel tonight.

This one for Eddie

Only silence now.

Memories fading away, away

Forgotten your touch, you voice

forgotten you smile.

Birthdays and anniversaries come

and go again.

Hidden away in my heart

locked up tight.

One day the release will come.

One day, but not yet.

Not yet, still much to do.

Still much to forgive.

So not yet!

This one for Pat

Lost in time

reaching out through space,

I close my eyes

and search for your face.

Your hands are my solace

Your touch I can feel

An ocean apart

And still very real.

A glimpse in the mirror

A crystal to hold

Now warm with emotion

Where once felt stone cold.

A beach walk at twilight

Cold rain on my skin

Your warmth is the comfort

I feel from within.

Time to go.

Can you feel the desert tonight?

She's calling,  she's calling us back.

Back to the fires that eat up the sky.

Back to the dust,  back to the love, back to our dreams.

Windows to the Soul

There's an old woman who looks back through the mirror,

Her eyes darkened with sorrow and fears.

She's confused, she's concerned and she's weary.

Trying to be brave, as she fights off the tears.

Her life is not how she planned it,

And she wonders just where she went wrong.

Once there was happiness and love and friendship,

Now she wonders if she will ever feel strong.

But she's not ready to give up at the moment,

She's not all out of fight, this she knows.

Time is to short for dreaming and wishing.

She's making plans to move forward and grow.

Talking from the heart...

Just arrived home,

Dogs to greet me but you're not here.

Wondering and pondering,

Am I doing this right? Am I on the right track?

Is this just a big hole,

for all my resources, emotions, energy?

Where will it lead? Where will it end?

I looked where I shouldn't,

curiosity always kills that cat, does it not?

Now even more questions.

Never to be asked and not expecting honest answers.

"Every reply a different story,

Every answer a twisted truth!"

I'm tired of competing,

I'm too old to start again.

The cage has always been open.

I was scared you would fly away,

always wondered when.

Now I am worried your won't!

Can I cry now?

Can I cry now?

Will it help?

I can’t face this – not again!

I am not ready to lose you too.

Not this way. Not like this!

It’s not fair and it’s certainly not right.

And I know it’s unfair to expect you to fight.

To want you to fight – to need you to fight.

It’s not fair to force you to endure this,

Just for me!

Can I cry now – just this once?

Screaming Silent Tears

Frustration, not knowing why -

not knowing when.

This coping is not working. Who am I fooling?

Proud exterior, hiding a small and scared soul.

The waiting, uncertainty.

Loving and wanting,

Hoping and dreaming.

And my heart is screaming silent tears

Because silent tears are all I know.

The Drums of War.

I hear them, far off now,

approaching fast.

I fear them, just a little

inevitable though they are.

I feel the pressure, and I wonder

if this is really what I want.

Unknown agendas

Uncertain outcomes

Unseen enemies

Untrusting, unknowing.

Directionless, pointless?

Pounding out on the drums of war.

And I dance....

I dance when no-one is watching

It's a feeling that keeps me alive,

The rhythms that insist on surrender

And the freedom of what I so strive.

And I dance when I'm feeling lonely

And I dance without fear or regret

All alone with no partner to guide me

Sweet release, no pain and no fret.

Letter of Confusion

As I sit and write this down

a million questions come to mind.

I know I will never find all the answers

and I really wish I could.

Are you who you say you are?

Why am I battling to find the truth?

One hundred contradictions in every answer,

every reply a twisted truth!

Call

This calling, so loud and yet gentle

Drawing my soul, forever onwards, away.

Time for reflection and dreaming and yearning

Move on, move up, no time for delay.

This moment, is now mine for the taking

It’s made here, right now and now right

No soul can take it, remove it, delete it

Here it will stay and here it will fight.

Just hold me, and stop me from shaking

Hold my trust, be my dreams, take my pride

Fly away, far away, take me with you

Follow birds, chase the stars, catch the tide.